You’ve said in the past it’s been hard for you to open up. Why do you think that was?
I’ve always been the kind of person to help people open up about themselves because I love to learn about other people, even with my friends and stuff. Growing up, I always had a wall up. So I was never really open with my friends and family about who I am necessarily. I guess I’m not not real, but I don’t display my emotions all the time. So because of that, I was always so focused around other people and getting them to open up.
But throughout this journey, I really am learning how to let my walls down a little bit more. And it’s been healing for me because, yeah, honestly, it’s years and years of me just holding it all in and just not releasing any of it. So it’s been refreshing. I’m learning so much about why I do certain things or how I think. It’s been healing.
What have you realized you need from a partner?
I think based on even just my previous relationships, I learned I need someone to really show up for me because I’ve never really had that before. I’ve always been the one to show up for people. So what I’m really looking for going through this journey is someone who will be there for me when I need it most, and someone who’s available to do that emotionally, physically, whatever it is. And it’s all about feeling if they’re open to that.
I also need a guy to be intellectually smart. And emotional intelligence is a huge thing, as well as loyalty, and how much effort they’ll put in to wanting to be with me.
So which of the remaining guys are really standing out to you now?
Devin is someone who makes me laugh all the freaking time. He’s hilarious. Marcus and I went skydiving together the other week, and that was a really fun time for us. So he’s memorable, for sure. Sam M. as well. And Grant is someone who I’m excited to see today. Jeremy’s freaking hilarious. Yeah, all of them, honestly.
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Has it been hard not to think too far ahead in this whole process?
I really am living in the moment. I have such a great group of guys, but it’s all about figuring out that connection even more and how we’re going to mix well together in real life. And that just takes time to figure out. But right now I’m really, really enjoying living in the moment with them and getting to know them still. It’s funny because every time I have a conversation with each of them, I’m really just focused on them. But then sometimes they bring me out of it because they’re like, “Oh hey, this guy is one of my best friends,” or “The guys in the house are amazing.” And I’m like, “What guys in the house?” So I’m like, “Stop. I need to be in the moment.”
Do you feel like your person is here among these guys?
I do. I really do. If you asked me last week, I would’ve been like, “I don’t know yet. I’m still getting to know them.” But I think there’s been a huge shift from last week to this week, where I’m really starting to feel some strong connections, and I’m really starting to envision a future here.
